my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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