no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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