My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im holly from the hills drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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