she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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