so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
