We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
