i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
