no, he came in my armpit
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
