i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
