Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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