Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
