tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize