Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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