i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell like Dick and happiness
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
