one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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