My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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