can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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