I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
