gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
