Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
