The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
