so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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