she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
