She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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