I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every concussion has its silver lining
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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