his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
