I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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