Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
