As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
