That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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