Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
