If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
