She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
