I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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