sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
