we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
