C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
