Plan B is the new Plan A
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize