His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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