apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
