everyone is single if you try hard enough
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
