how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
