I puked a lego.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize