Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
