Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
