Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
