He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
