I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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