Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
