I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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