I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
