Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
