I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize