Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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