i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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