I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
