Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
