so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
