Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
