i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
