She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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