I will probably be peed on at some point today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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