it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize