just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
