Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
