like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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