i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
God, I missed his penis.
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