Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
