I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize