i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
