My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
