It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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