we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm too high and old for this...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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