I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
