So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
