Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize