My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
