dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
