are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
