Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
