I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
