I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
