Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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